Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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