lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
