I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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