The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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