I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
