you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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