Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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