9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
