Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
