just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
