remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
