on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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