I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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