it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
