he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
