He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
