areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
