I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
