The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i think i just lost a toe
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