It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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