omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
