bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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