put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
