After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
