problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
