We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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