We won't sleep together?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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