We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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