Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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