I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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