so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
