Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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