I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
