cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
