Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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