Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
