yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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