Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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