i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
