Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
