mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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