I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
