i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
