I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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