..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
