he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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