i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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