No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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