how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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