I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
