I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
