Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
