so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
