New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
