so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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