what day is it and did you see me today?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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