what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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