Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night

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(410): View more from Maryland

So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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(503): View more from Oregon

One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

(503): View more from Oregon

By 8 I mean 9.

(503): View more from Oregon

And by 9 I mean 10.

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(713): View more from Texas

I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight

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(512): View more from Texas

I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident

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