You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
