you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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