we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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