im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
