Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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