i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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