Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
