I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
