Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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