There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
