I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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