Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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