i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
NoShamevember. You game?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
