Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
