he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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